Self Care During Difficult Times

I never knew how much I needed self-care until difficult times hit. I’m currently going through a really challenging season of my life, and my self-care has been LACKING.

During this time I’ve learned that self-care is less about getting your nails done and buying new clothes (although those things are nice), and more about making time for your biological, psychological, social, and spiritual needs. Luckily for you, I’ve been taking notes on how to self-care in real-time, and I want to share some perspectives on how to self-care during difficult times.

It first occurred to me during my second year in college that I didn’t have good self-care habits. I would stay up till 3 a.m. trying to get papers done (hello fellow procrastinators!), sing every weekend at church events even if I was tired or sick, and overextend myself to everyone. Later, I would find myself irritable and frustrated with myself or with others, all because I neglected to take care of my mental, physical and spiritual needs. This has been a continuous struggle for me, but as of late, I’ve been shifting my habits.

The more we neglect our needs, the more difficult it becomes for us to show up in the world as a healthy self. A healthy self is a well-cared-for self. The two aren’t separate.

Abraham Maslow’s theory, aka Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, suggests that a human being’s behaviors and actions in life are often motivated by a specific set of needs. These needs are tiered off into 5 categories, starting with physiological needs, safety needs, love and belonging, esteem, and self-actualization. While psychology coins this theory from Abraham Maslow, I’d like to believe that God created us with this set of needs. When these very needs are neglected, mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety can ensue.

But here’s what’s interesting. When we go through intense, difficult periods in life, we don’t completely abandon all our needs. Instead, we tend to hyperfocus on one area. For example, after a long day of work, we might binge-watch a show till 12:00 a.m., which might provide some mental relief. However, we end up losing out on rest.

Our issue isn’t so much that we don’t know how to self-care. Our issue is that we don’t make self-care intentional and practical. We make it bigger than it actually is in our minds.

Here’s the thing, you might not have 30 minutes to workout, but you might be able to take a 5-10 minute walk. You might not be able to make a fancy dinner, but you can purchase/or put together a quick meal that is just as delicious. I could go on and on, but the point is, we have to stop making self-care this huge, time-consuming thing. At baseline, self-care should be (1) practical and (2) intentional for our daily lives. It’s a simple, yet difficult lesson to grasp, and that’s OK. You have a lifetime to learn.

Now if you made it this far, congrats! I want to share some tips with you to help you implement intentional and practical self-care. Now let me warn you, this might seem ridiculously simple, but it takes patience to implement. I’ve narrowed these basic self-care tips into check-in questions for your biological, psycho-social, and spiritual needs. Feel free to add in other questions, but if it isn’t practical, don’t overwhelm yourself.

Biological Needs: Necessary for survival

• Have you eaten today? Did you feel satisfied and nourished after?
• How can you practically prioritize sleep today?
• In what way can you get fresh air today? Can you squeeze in a walk too?
• Did you drink enough water today?
• Have you showered, washed your hair, brushed your teeth, or washed your face today? (or any other basic hygiene needs)

Psycho-Social Needs: Necessary for brain & social development

• In what way can you connect with someone today outside of social media? (Facetime, in-person, phone call, or even text is ok!)
• Is there anything causing you distress? Can you share it with at least one person who will listen?
• Is there any way you can implement at least 5 minutes of non-productive time for your mental health?
• Do you have a reliable outlet to release or reflect on your emotions this week? (Journaling, painting, reading, drawing, etc.)
• In what way can you say no, set a boundary, or ask for help?

Spiritual Needs: Necessary for our humanity & overall well-being

• What do you need to let go off today? And maybe give to God?
• Are you able to prioritize a moment to pray?
• What is something you can meditate on today? Maybe a Bible verse, devotional, or an encouraging message?
• Are you weary or tired? Who can you go to for encouragement?

My hope for you is that you feel challenged and encouraged to dial in on the self care during your most toughest seasons. Send me a message on Instagram or leave a comment if you felt like this was helpful!